Thursday, January 7th, 2010
Post-Sweetness Depression
i am back in the dull rigor of every day life. it would be more tolerable if it came with a paycheck of some kind or maybe full dental. instead, its just me writing ten cover letters a day to people who read the first sentence and hit delete. i’ve never experienced such an annoying onslaught of anonymous rejection. i left the world of auditioning for acting gigs so i wuoldn’t have to deal with this, and yetm here i am, sitting in the apartment i can’t afford in a city i’m growing to resent with only one thing to look forward to all day, a football game on tv. there are other small joys, of course. ones that happen many times a week. greeting caitlin. falling asleep next to her. listening to good music as loud as i want. eating Snax Mix (note: Checx Mix is too expensive and Snax Mix is just as good…)
mercy kill repeatedly floats into my mind.
i just finished watching an old Star Trek episode online called Miri. I thought i recognized the girl who played Miri so i looked her up on the nets and after a few minutes i laughed out loud with joy realizing she also played john cusack’s mom in ‘better off dead’, one of my all-time favorite movies and favorite characters in the movie. now, if i had not had that experience today, my life would not have been any different. i much rather would have not had tat jolt of joy in place of being at a JOB somewhere right now.
writing in this here blog is a perfect example. it gives me only a marginal amount of satisfaction. its filling time until kickoff. i love writing but i’d rather be writing marketing copy, or videotaping a boring deposition, or pushing a dolley full of rich people’s furniture with my favorite co-worker barking at me for ignoring him.
ooh, i can see from the gmail tab that i have 2 new emails. another minor spike of joy. i will check it be right back. ahh, a couple facebook responses to a question i posed in my status: “What song have you heard the most times in your whole life?” my answer is “Shake You Down” by Gregory Abbott. the answers that i just read in my email made me laugh but what’s the point? this is a complete waste of time. mercy kill.
hook them.
b
