7.29.2004

looking up new york stuff

I'm mapping out famous new york places and saying quietly to myself, "Oh, that's where that is. I get it." As a response to every movie I've ever seen that was filmed in New York. You know, like Rocky and Slacker.

Wow, I've never even been to New York and already I want to go back. I may not get any sleep while I'm there and my pockets will be empty when I get back, but I can't wait.

I better get to bed so I don't miss my 5pm flight tomorrow. Thanks, Priceline bastards.

forever cheap,
b

7.28.2004

It Finally Happened

I'm slightly mad.

I'm back, baby!!!

Over the past couple months my zest for improv has slowly oozed from my backside, making its way out onto the sidewalk left in a concrete wake for my future.
I thought it was over. I felt lost on stage and in rehearsal. I've felt more nervous than usual. I was sure I would rebound and become my own improvy self again, but I was also sure that I would spend my adult life with Amy Campbell and she never came around. Could this be it? Did I just borrow all this money from my family for an improv business that's gonna flop before we book our first show? Did I just buy a van I can't afford on my nearly nil income? Well, the answer to most of those questions is NO. Yes, I did spend too much on my van, but I rarely spoil myself.
So, I am back. I did a two person show with De Bebe tonight at The Playground as part of a new series called The Deuce. The coolest people in the world came out to support our first ever Chicago show together (portions of my new incubator troupe, an old friend from Austin, De Bebe's rock music partner and one of her new Chi. friends, all equally cool for supporting.) The show kicked ass. We only had about 25 minutes but they felt pretty solid from my point of view. Of course, I was just on stage having a great time but everyone seemed responsive afterwards. De Bebe followed my lead and I followed hers at times. We didn't do scenes like most dating duos, the stuff didn't have any inside jokes or anything stupid like that. There was a lot of positivity and energy, things my recent improv life has been lacking. I moved more than I usually do because I felt overmatched by De Bebe's manic energy. My faith in my own skills as well as the skills of de bebe have been reiterated and just in time for Del Close Marathon this weekend.
My show at the DCM may the most important show of my career. It will be my first show in New York in front of several of my peers and colleagues; my first exposure to "that scene" (new york) It's possible that people with a good deal of power will be in the audience and I now feel like I can do a good show for the whole entirety of those in attendance. I will again only have around 30 minutes to do my shtick, but that should be enough and hopefully it will force me to keep my pace up. The DCM is humungoginourmous this year. There's shows and workshops going on simultaneously at different venues almost all weekend long at all hours of the night and day. I can't wait to take in more improv than I ever thought I could, taking stock of each players skills, discarding them as obsolete or building them up as idols. Thinking to myself what I would have said or done in their stead, moaning too loud when a huge denial happens, or wincing in pain at another post-modern reference to the "in corwd" of improvisers. That's something I fear this weekend actually. That the audiences will just merely be a cadre of improvisers just as here in Chicago only whereing slightly different faces; all there just to amuse each other doing the same formless or overly formatted format; while everyone laughs about some crap I've never even heard of or understand. Then I get up there and everything I say brings out the crickets. Then I panic and start to lash out making fun of other improvisers who have gone before me and mocking the incestuous crowd with biting remarks about their hairdos and teeth; This is my nightmare.

I'm pretty sure it won't come down like that, but then again Amy Campbell has never even called me. NOT ONCE. 


That's me in the middle and that's Amy on the right. That's Kyle Vos on the left. He moved to Belgium in 8th grade and came back in high school later with a mohawk, all punked out. She fell for him and they've been married ever since. Me, I've had that very look on my face ever since I heard that. You don't even want to know about that sculpture. We had to make it for "Butte Day" at my elementary school.

 
IMPROV, YOU ARE MINE AGAIN ! ! !

Never leave me again, or I'll find you and I will kill you. Slowly. In your sleep. With a space-object butcher's knife.

hehe,
b

7.26.2004

Cha Ching


The best part of this is that it's yet another misspelling of improv. they got it wrong by one letter. However, it's obviously because they ran out of room on the card and it happens to be the way British people and Canadians, who let's face it are the same thing anyway, spell and say it.

VISA IMPRO, It's everywhere you want to prov.

b

7.23.2004

Cupholder Mobile

Here is the Available Cupholder Tour Vehicle which will see its maiden voyage in late August with a trip to Tornonto or rather Toronto. 

 

 







It's a 2000 GMC Savana with plenty of Cupholders that are currently not claimed.
Ah, it feels good to be in massive debt.

But, I did sell my old pick-up for twice what the jag-off dealer wanted to give me for it on a trade-in. So, that's a battle won. Leaving only the war ahead. Wish me luck.

b

7.22.2004

Sometimes art progresses, and sometimes...

this happens:

http://www.celebritycollages.com/ccc/vip_collages.html

b

Eerie and Funny and Strange

The Great One

7.20.2004

NO MORE

I've seen just about enough self-referential, masturbatory improv to make a post-modern enthusiast decay in his chair.
 
Here in Chicago, the improv scene is large and strong. It has and continues to produce some of the most talented comedians and actors in the business. So why is it that the only people at improv shows in Chicago are other improvisers? You have to figure that at least 75 percent of any audience barring Second City shows is filled by fellow burgeoners in the craft. This causes many problems.
Firstly, the scene is stagnant, void of bold experimentation and new ideas. People see what works in another improv show and seek to imitate, reproduce, and in some cases improv upon their tactics. But merely improving upon maneuvers you've seen before do not keep things fresh, and in most cases the imitation just comes off as flattery; that is flat and reeking of hack. It's obvious they saw 'So and So' do a form in a show and have attempted to do it themselves. It's unoriginal and it plagues the scene here in Chicago.
It's really a question of what's important in your improv. Where I'm from, it is less admirable to take someone elses idea and work within its structures. Here, the improvisers are trying to focus more on the skills within the show; the form is not as important. Both have their positive elements. Plying your craft without the distraction of form is useful for becoming a better performer, but from an audience standpoint, it appears to just be what everyone else is doing. What you have to do is combine the two. Give yourself an easy form that isn't already being played by every other group under the sun or even better no form at all and work your skills within that. Keep it fresh for the audience. Remember them? The ones that are paying admission and buying drinks to keep your theatre afloat?
Improv is on the cusp of becoming the "stand-up comedy" of the 2000s. In the 80s stand-up was huge. It exploded all over the country and become a springboard for almost everyone you see on TV today doing comedy. In the 90s there was a backlash that comes with every afterburning fad. The clubs flamed out and the comedians had to find other ways of getting on a stage. Improv has become a way for lots of comedians to get together and work out some spontaneous material.
BUT, improv has also been adopted by some theatre craftsmen for its applications to the stage ensemble. There are many complementary elements to ensemble scripted work and group improv. So, this very young art of improv is in a fine place to acheive something great; status. If groups continue to make reference to each other and their craft, i.e. making a joke about one of the prinicipals of improv and do not serve an audience of strangers and every day folks, they will find themselves only doing scenes for each other. And you can bet it will not be in a theatre space as fellow improvisers feel entitled to complimentary tickets to every friggin show they go to.  And this secret society that has scared off its followers will die in someone's living room with no hope of advancement, and certainly no pay. You can't tell jokes that go over the paying clientele's heads. They will desert you and go see Wimbledon instead.
The only hope for the future of the art form is for groups to take more chances (isn't that one of the precepts of improv?) Don't be afraid to fail (certainly important for improv) and go beyond their own boundaries. You can't be afraid to work outside your comfort zone on stage. It's funny that the problems these groups are having have a solution in the very fundamentals of their work. Groups just fall right in line with what has been done before them, with the exception of some groups who have experimented with new forms, groups that most improvisers have heard of. The groups you haven't heard of are rightfully jammed into the closet of forgotten harolds, where they will never be heard from again.
If the art form does not evolve and become more of something else and less of what it is now, it stands a good chance of becoming extinct, and almost assuredly endangered. And that's all I have to say about that.
 
By the way, So and So is a great name for a two person improv troupe.
 
By the way II, I have had two more encounters with misspellings of the word improv. i went downtown to do all of the necessary paperwork for the cupholders. the first office put "Available Cupholders Imporv Comedy" on an official form. I had to have him reprint it. C'mon, buddy, imporv? Then the "assumed name" office lady asked me if it was a V or a U on my application. Are you sure it's not "Available Cupholders Improu Comedy?
Oh, so it's a V. Do you want to put an E at the end of that word?"
"Well, I'd like to think we'll improve comedy, but that's kind of a lofty goal at this point in time. We'll just go with IMPROV."
Gahwleee, people, you're only in the improv mecca of the entire world. Is this something that state employees are barred from viewing because none of them seem to have heard of it?
Makes me sick. I guess improv is more important to me than a old guy and an Asian lady who are just doing their jobs. If the company was called "Available Cupholders Josh Groban" there would be no problem, because everyone knows who that is.
 
Well, that's all for now. I have my first Incubator show at The Playground tonight with Right Hand Yellow. I'm a little weary because we're doing a Harold type form with an "organic" group opening. I always feel a little anxious about those because they don't seem organic to me anymore (see above.) In any case, I'm excited to see who chokes and who goes with grace. And of course, doing the improv will be pretty sweet. I may even throw a Jenkins in there for the Jenkins Counter.
 
evolve,
b

7.19.2004

Donate Your Car to Me or The Terrorists Win

Here's an email I got about a Craigslist post. I'm trying to sell my truck and I've already gotten a few totally stupid responses to it from the Craigslist post. This person has to be out of their mind.
 
-
I don't know if you have seen my posting on Craigslist.com but I was wondering???  It was listed as follows ..........

No pressure... just thought I would ask? 
 
Thanx,
FOXX
 
P.S.  I would even pay you if you would be willing to make arrangements for me?  Please??
 
******************
Would you consider donating your 4x4?
 I am a airline worker who is still recovering from the effects of 9/11. I could really use your help? I have lost just about everything-- including my vehicle. It was a 4x4, as I live in a snow belt here in Cleveland-- and having it was a life saver in the past. I just need a dependable 4x4 to get back & forth to work in the winter... and as of present, I am on medical leave and unable to work. So I'm hoping someone will hear my plea before my little ones return to school. It doesn't have to be pretty... as a matter of fact- it could be a rusty ole' junker.. as long as it is dependable. And has a good engine.
 
Well, thanx for listening..
 
Blessings
FOXX
-
 
Couple things.
De Bebe pointed out to me the PS from the top of the email. I'd be willing to pay you if you give me your truck for free. Yeah, that's how bartering works. I give someone something for free and they thank me for being so generous by compensating me.
Secondly, I love it when people are trying to scam me and they think that appealing to some kind of Christian in me is going to help. HA.
Thirdly, trying to touch my exposed nerve on 9-11 will get you no sympathy. I'm not going to donate my car to you because terrorists blew up new york. Using these events for anything capitalistic is insulting and should be considered treason. But what has the country been doing since 9-11? Trying to come up with ways to make money off of it. Crap, I tell you. Don't try to touch on my soft spots for cash, unless you're my girlfriend.
 
FOXX, if that is your real animal, run your scam on some other unsuspecting idiot. If I was super rich it would be fun to look for any postings for my truck for sale after I donate it to this person. Because that's obviously what they're doing. Turning around and selling whatever someone happens to donate to them. I almost want to call up and start to work out a deal just to get a sense of the level BS we're dealing with here. But, I don't want to open up any channels of any kind. Without knowing the extent of the scam, it would be a bad call to give them any info about me at all.
 
When we call up colleges to sell our Cupholder shows we should use this tactic.
"Please. We're out of work improvisers recovering from 9-11. We had to cancel a show on September 12, 2001 and we need you to book us at your college for $30,000 to make up for what those bastards did to all those firefighters. We'd even be willing to perform in exchange for you paying us $30,000. God Bless America and God Bless You, Marion University Student Representative."
 
Someday, everyone will just stop running BS and relax and live their life like a normal person.
Until then, we have to deal with tools like FOXX and BUSH.
 
b

7.18.2004

The Jenkins Count

I have never know anyone in the real world with the last name Jenkins, but I have improvised with more Jenkins' than I can even count. 
 
JENKINS is the most used last name in improv.
 
I don't know what it is about the last name Jenkins that makes so many people think it needs to be dealt with on stage. I just started a house managing gig at The Playground this past weekend. $20 to watch improv and run lights for a couple hours (real tough gig.) So anyway, I saw a lot of shows and I learned a lot of things from observation. One of which is that Jenkins is an extremely popular last name. Back in Austin, a friend of mine noticed that this name was being used so much in scenes he created a holiday, St. Jenkins Day. St. Jenkins is the Patron Saint of Anonymity and once a year we would get together and celebrate his legacy with libations, screaming, and philosophical questions such as, "What is the average size of all things on Earth including the Earth?" My answer was a Volkswagon Bug, but a friend informed me through a drunken haze that the true answer was simply 3. Ahhh, good times were had in those days, and all in honor of St. Jenkins.
 
But why Jenkins? Why not Smith or Johnson? We've all known people with these last names. Where is their representation in the improv world?
 
The Jenkins counter is currently at 4. That's how many times I saw it used just this weekend. I'm leaving out all of my exploits in the past when the name has come up dozens of times in scenes. I will keep you updated with the Jenkins counter as I see the name used on stage, in rehearsal, or in joking banter amongst friends. When we get to 100, we'll have the first St. Jenkins Day party in Chicago and I'll fly in all my closest relatives and bestest friends. We'll posit a new SJD question such as, "Which is more, 5 feet or 2 gallons?" or, "How would you go to the moon powered only by cheese?" Then we'll all embrace and throw up down each other's backs.
 


7.16.2004

blog neglect

i have been slammed beyond slammed and unable to update this here blog. for that, i apologize. i must sleep, so that  i can work tomorrow morn and not be pissy to the world.
 
be back soon. tell mom i love her.
 
wish you were hair.
 
b

7.10.2004

what is going on?

about thirty minutes ago, network tv looked like this: dirt bicycle racing on CBS, nascar on NBC, and golf on ABC. i thought things were bad. now that the 3 o'clock hour has come its, golf on CBS, still nascar on NBC, and women's basketball on ABC.

Are they trying to put the country to sleep?
Is there some kind of coup against good TV?
Maybe Michael Moore should do a documentary about a media conspiracy designed to lull into a state of trance so that our minds are more accepting to advertising. Except, this time he'd have to leave FOX out of his crosshairs because they're showing the cubs game. FOX; my only salvation in ths time of desperation.

b

7.07.2004

I. O. and i d e a

I O

went to free improv wednesdays @ IO again tonight just like last week. we've decided to make it a weekly "thing." wow. the quality of tonightis shows way surpassed everything i've ever seen at IO. Granted i haven't seen very much, but whoa, doggy. With the exception of Four Square, another IO group, the three i saw tonight were easily the best. very quick, very committed, very funny. everyone was very sharp on their fundamentals, mistakes were treated as gifts, and support was rampant. only a few people seemed a bit off, but for the most part very smart and just plain good. i guess we can see here why i'm not a reviewer for variety. i don't know what to say other than i loved it and i wished every show at IO were this good. secretly though, i'm glad i rarely see improv that impresses me, because i feel like i can conquer the world with my own work. all my conceptions of how IO is built up and unjustly pedastalled have been shattered by tonight's show. For the record, the three groups were Mustache, Ralphie's Rug, and Carl and the Passions. NICE.

i d e a
before i get more well known in chicago (which let's face it could be years,) i want to go to an improv audition in a wheelchair. not to play for sympathy, but to try to make every scene about running.
i'll have a huge challenge in front of me if i do get cast, but i'm up for it. and if anyone ever says anything about it to me when i'm not at rehearsal and not in a wheelchair i'll just say i have no idea what they're talking about.

these are the things legends are made of,
b

tax id number

well, every day this business gets a little more official. i just got off the phone with a lady at the IRS and she gave me my Federal Employer Identification Number. Now I have to pay my employees. The highlights of the conversation were her spelling misfires.
I told her the name of the company was Available Cupholders Improv Comedy. First she desecrated the name by making Cupholders two words. How insulting. Then she asked me how to spell improv. HOW TO SPELL IMPROV? I thought for a second and wanted to say F-U-N. I kind of laughed a little and she probably thought I was laughing at her. Then she spelled the whole name back to me spelling commedy with two Ms. I told her I thought it was with one M. It was all straightened out and now I have a social security number for my business.

I'm listening to Al Green's song "Simply Beautiful" and it has one of the funniest lines in all of Al's music right at the end. Right as its about to fade he starts kind of doing that soul rambling thing. its a cross between scatting and R&B chatter. He moans for a bit and then says, "There are so many good things I could say about you girl, I could say that uh..." and then instead of saying something good he just does this high-pitched moan. Apparently he couldn't think of any of those many good things he could say right at the moment.

enough,
b

7.05.2004

punk rock pidgeon

de bebe took this photo downtown of what she called a "punk rock pidgeon."

punkpidge.jpg

Awesome

this guy is sweet.
this guy has taken some of what's good in my show and turned it into a full show. i love it. i want to see it and i want to steal it. he just interviews the audience and then goes into these improvised rants on topics that come up. way cool. i do this in bigly huge in an audience interview at the beginning of the show. i tell little aside improv jokes or stories from my past or what not. but this is even a step further. it turns out looking like an improv stand-up set. he even brings a microphone for the audience to talk to him whenever they want and encourages them to interrupt and speak out. sometimes he'll even give whistles to the audience members for when they agree with something he says and rubber bands for when they don't.
but i'm sure it's similar to freestyling in that sometimes you say a rhyme that you've said a thousand times, and sometimes it's actually made up on the spot. so, i don't think it's all completely improvised. but it's still highly cool and i may rip off the idea one day.

Crowd-Powered Comedian DANIEL PACKARD

besides, i think he's canadian, so no one would ever know i ripped him off.
b

7.04.2004

I guess you're right. With a name like that, anything is possible.

Medicine Hat College

You are getting very sleepy.You are hiring me to do a show at your college.

So i'm reading this booklet on how to get hired for shows in the college market and there's a section on the regional conferences they offer every once in a while. they're kind of like trade shows for entertainers. you buy a booth and sell your show to college kids who are walking around with large chunks of money from their school, sent on a mission to buy entertainment. so they also have this "showcase" system where the acts send in videos and if approved by a committee, they perform at the conference, which would be huge for getting booked. they have all these rules for the showcasing acts like "the act is responsible for whatever musical instruments will be used by musicians," or "decibel levels are not to exceed 100 Db."
the last regulation they list for showcasing acts is:

"In showcasing attractions that include hypnosis, the performer may not conduct any mass/group hypnotic suggestion of the audience as part of the showcase. Only volunteers ON STAGE may be used. Following a hypnosis showcase, the performer must be available to debrief anyone who has been hypnotized curing the show."

Are they afraid someone will be hypnotized into signing an entertainment contract with the subject after their showcase slot is over? and what about that bit about the audience? The hypnotist must not take control over an entire room of people for fear of inciting a regional conference riot?

You are getting very sleepy. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You are signing this entertainment contract. You are happy I will be appearing at you college for a One Night Only engagement on May 7th, 2005. I will count backwards from five and after I get to one you will no longer be under my control except for this eerie post hypnotic suggestion: From now on, your school will give me a thousand dollars every time i say the words "fake psychology trickery based on social approval theories that is barely entertainment and can be performed by any jagoff in a sport coat with the letters 'is' at the end of his name."

learning lots of stuff,
b

The Hypnotist Incredible BORIS Hilarious Hypnotic Event

7.03.2004

idea!!!

here are some old phone numbers i used to have. the ones i can remember anyway.

331 1873 - this is the really old school one from my childhood all the way up through high school. i'll never forget this one.

919 3126 - this is the number i had at my first apartment in college.

450 0163 - this one i had when i lived with mikey and craig. legendary days. they brought it with them from an apartment they had together previous. it died when we went our separate ways.

469 WING - this is the number for Pluckers, a crappy chicken restaurant i worked at in college. "If you don't like our wings, we'll give you the bird." Pluckers Wing Factory & Grill (do you think there's really a conveyor belt with chicken parts being cooked by chickens and cows back in the kitchen? and what about the guy with the paper bag on his head. he's probably afraid he's next if they find out he's not a chicken.)

775 1087 - this is the first cell phone i ever had. strangely, the first three digits are now my are code in chicago but this was a cell phone in texas.

DAMN, this is good web content

i think later today, i'm going to call these numbers and see what happens. maybe you should too and we can all ask for jeremy. this should be funny. the area code is 512. this might lead to that (see below imbedded deep in my entry from three minutes ago.) but will probably lead to another unattainable that.

still old,
b

i think my youth is over

really wierd thing happened tonight. it's 4:22 right now as i right this. i went out to eat with de bebe. we walked over into the "oriental" section of town and just looked for a new restaurant experience. we found it. ate food there. i was energized to go out and something exciting. when we got back to the underground lair, i was superbly tired. i was about ready to pass out. de bebe was tired as usual just from the rigors of working forty hours and all, who can blame her? so we hit the sack at about 10. 10 o'clock? what the hell is wrong with me? i got up at 11am this morning and here i am going to bed at 10. i was only awake for like negative one hour or something...
so i passed out which is unusual. most of the time i lay there for an agonizing half hour or so thinking about other things i could be doing that are more useful. woke up at 2:30 am. highly rare for me to just randomly wake up. not only did i just wake up at a strange time but i was incredibly aware. it usually takes me several times of waking up and going back under before i'm up for good. it had a strange crispy feeling to it. like i had just slept for 9 solid hours after running a marathon.
stayed in bed as i was unsure what i would do if not in bed. and how would this affect my july 3rd, 2004? lots of napping, no doubt. i'm not into naps. they throw off timing. most importantly, they make me feel old.
you know what else makes me feel old? what i've been doing for the past hour and a half.
i have mentioned here a troupe of improvisers who i've taught a bit down in austin who are from my old high school. so, after my latest workshop with them, i came back to chicago and went about my daily life. well, i dropped a little email to the director of the troupe about how their first off-campus show went. he told me it was rough and there was unrest amongst the troupe members. they had gone beind his back and scheduled a meeting about usurping his power. he told me he was really sad and that he didn't know what to do. i read his email a few times and one read got me. i cried for the guy. don't really know him all that well. he'd come to a lot of jury shows back in the day and wanted to start a troupe of his own. so they've only done a few shows and it looks like they're not going to make it. i just sent him an email earlier to check up on the situ.
he had mentioned to me that the troupe members had made some rather private comments public on various web boards and such. so, with my newfound several hours before today's first nap (which i predict will be around 9 am) i decided to delve into the web and see if i could find this stuff.
found a bunch of journals no problem. couldn't find too much about the falling out however. what i did find out was that my youth is over. yes, this whole waking up in the middle of the night story is only an introduction to the actual issue here.
as i pillaged through the chasms of these people's lives i got very nostalgic. they're all high school age or just fresh from high school. they talk about staying up until 4am, going to see movies all the time, missing significant others after they've only been gone for ten minutes, getting their first car, working and thinking they'll be rich after working all summer at minimum wage, and just hanging out and talking about philosophy. these are all things i did in high school and college. i miss those days and of course, i've always thought i was getting oldER, but now that i see that my life is something completely not youthful, i just feel old. and what's the trade-off?
i remember when i was really young, maybe 10, i couldn't wait until i was 16. i thought, man, when i'm 16, i'm going to be having so much sex. that's what was important to me as a ten year old. and that naivety has carried over for a long time. as you grow older, you're always thinking, "well, when i'm this, i'll be that." but then you get to "this" and you realize it's just "that." that's all it is. that can only be that and this will never lead to that. because that is unattainable. that is just an ideal you held up as something you wanted to be or hoped would occur. jim carrey, a struggling comedian and actor, in hollywood, sometime in the mid-90s wrote himself a check for $20 million dollars and cashed it after he got that for Cable Guy. i guess he got his that. but how did his that not seem fulfilling? was he not having as much sex as he thought he would be having? who knows. maybe i'm just comparing myself to jim carrey in the hopes that some of that success will rub off on me, or at least just rub me.
but, i'm going bald, i'm slower than i used to be, i have to sleep more (if that's even possible,) and i'm thinking about retirement plans. I DON'T EVEN HAVE A JOB and i'm thinking about retirement money. what the hell is wrong with me? reading all those kids blogs and journals just makes me feel really old and miss the good old days really hardcore. i mean, i know we all miss the days of just chillin in the carousel watching the fireworks and throwing up wherever we wanted. but those days are gone. at least temporarily. at my pace i'll be back in something that rolls and just throwing up wherever in a matter of years.

so, i'm pretty sure my youth is over and my adult life has been going on for a few years without my noticing. i've been paying bills for a few years, but soon, i'll have a car payment (that's new,) my own business (very grown up,) and equity. fuckin equity?

man, i'm old.

old,
b