BLOG POST FROM THE FUTURE (echo)

went shopping today in a nice little market on Hoa Street. Couldn't find any clothes that fit me so I bought this pretty little blue number. Then I ravaged the square.

Wish you were here.

b
April 15, 2004

well

CD: downloaded Elliot Smith (dead)

Well, it's off to China tomorrow. I come back on April 27 but I'm sure I'll just want to go back after an hour.

hopefully, i'll have time to write in this thang. i'm also hoping i can do a show for free at the hotel where we're staying so i can say i have played a show in beijing. that would be cool.

packing, etc.
b

i am baffled

i can't understand why more people aren't using these rainbow bars to enhance their web site. it's a great way to add pizazz and frivolity, sure to dazzle any client.

BIG BONED THEATRE - Comedy Improv Groups - Corporate Entertainment Booking

smug look,
b

giant warehouse pretty cool

went to a party at "Texas," a warehouse that was converted into three floors of artsy living space. texas is on the third floor and it's basically a huge room that has little subdivided rooms along its walls. in the center is a giant open space with hardwood floors and about a 25 foot ceiling. it's a really nice open space. it could esaily be converted into a theatre or place for live music, or just a really big dance floor. the coolest part is that they have a basketball goal and plenty of room to play a sweet game of half court. in fact, if they had two goals you could play full court. imagine, all winter long playing basketball indoors and opening the windows to let in the freezing air. twould be legendarily sweet. and then in the summer, turning up the AC and avoiding the heat. put on the occasional show to pay for rent. make gigantic art pieces that can never be removed from the space because they'd have to be taken apart. haunted house? the list goes on. when i have the time and the inclination, i'm going to look around for som huge warehouse that i can turn into lofty art space. and then i will live there and perform in my underwear. just like at home now, except the audience will have to pay.

going to sleep smelling like smoke,
b

old story and even older picture

CD: Downloaded Bread


This is the old story of the balloon suit gong show mishap. above, you see me in the original balloon suit. it took 75 balloons and about 4 hours to put together. i blew up each balloon and pinned them onto old clothes in a meticulous pattern designed to get the most coverage. i tried it on and it was gangbusters.
the reason for making the balloon suit was an idea i had for a gong show bit. originally, the idea was to be naked underneath a finely tailored men's suit of bubble wrap. super sharp, ya know. well, i couldn't find bubble wrap that was affordable, so i had to go with plan B which was a balloon suit. the rest of the idea was i would do a Michael Jackson-esque dance to Smooth Criminal on rollerblades. It would escalate so that eventually i was doing very complex tricks that would obviously make me lose control. a lot of the comedy would come from me falling onto the suit and appearing unharmed.
the suit was finished and we decided to go downtown early to hang out with some buddies at a party. the balloon suit did not fit in the cab with us two humans so we put it in the back and i drove slowly and cautiously. it seemed fine. went to the party. we were driving back up north to go the gong show performance. i was grooving to "she's out of my life" by MJ cruising down lake shore drive (a semi-highway) and really looking forward to the show.
in my review mirror i notice some activity out of the corner of my eye. i slow down but it's too late. the balloon shirt is effortlessly lifted out of the back of my pick-up and comes to rest behind us in the center lane. i try to pull over but everyone's panicking on the road. "That's the biggest atom I've ever seen," they surely cried out in terror.
I eventually pulled over to the shoulder. I backed up to where I was two lanes over from my masterpiece. i got out of my truck and checked to see if there was any traffic coming. it's amazing it had lasted this long considering the flow of traffic on lake shore is pretty steady. i made a move to go grab it but saw some headlights coming over the top of the hill. i thought i should go for it but this guy could be going 60 mph and i can only go about 5, and that's if I'm scampering hardcore. he had plenty of time to see it. he slowed down. the guy behind him slammed on his brakes and swerved to the left lane. the first guy must have been spooked by the squeel of the tires of the guy behind him because he slowed down and looked to see if he could change lanes. there was plenty of time and room for him to change lanes, but instead he sped up and drove directly into the balloon shirt. everything went into slow motion. there was a loud concussion of pops as his car blasted through the balloons without mercy. some of the balloons popped. some just floated into other lanes awaiting their death.
i have seen some terrible things. atomic explosions, people starving, Men in Black II. Nothing compares to the feeling i had right then. i stood by the truck completely stunned. i got back in the car and became concious of the music: "She's out of my life and I don't know whether to laugh or cry." so true, michael. so true.
i reluctantly started back on the road. my creation was spread out onto several lanes now and occasionally you'd hear a pop. the pops sounded like all the little children of the world screaming in terror. i drove over one out of anger. i later regretted it.
we had time to go buy balloons and fashion a new shirt, which we did. without de bebe there to help me build a second one, it might not have been done in time. we couldn't find white balloons so the second generation had to be in color.


the performance went over pretty well. i had a good time but i've always wondered how things would have turned out with the original shirt. well, i guess he's in conceptual costuming heaven living it up with bootsy collins' pants. and i can sleep at night knowing balloon shirt is finally happy again.

you could have changed lanes, man. you could have changed lanes.

lastly, here's a picture i took in oklahoma on my first bigly tour back in '03



good advice. i think i'll put up a memorial cross on lake shore with a sign that says do not drive into balloon shirts.

b

I am have reached a new all-time low

I just got done downloading Bread tunes. I cry in shame as I dance uncontrollably to summer breeze.

seacrest out.
b

this just in

CD: Bringing Down the Horse by The Wallflowers (what happened to them anyway?)

A british man arrived at my door this afternoon to deliver a "parcel." He said, I've a parcel from China."
I smiled slightly, signed for it, and said cheers.

It was our scripts for the China English Educational videos. It is some seriously funny stuff. And oddly, the English isn't very stellar. It's very informational and silly. I'm going to have trouble not laughing while filming. The first sheet in the package was a little 'Hello' from the director, reproduced here without adjustment:

"Here is he description of your role and suggested wardrobe .

You will play Peter Lang
Peter Lang age 19, height 5' 10" high school boy .
Very good joke, Friend with everyone easy to talk.

Clothes to bring for your consideration:
1. two sets of everyday clothes
2. a set of sportswear
3. a pair of everyday shoes
4. a pair of gym shoes
5. a backpack
Note: everyday clothes such as sweater, T-shirts, jellaba, jean and so on.
(we welcome you to bring the wardrobe that you think is appropriate)

Please feel free to ask any questions.

Best Regards!"

FINALLY, the Chinese acknowledge that I'm very good Joke. After years of playing the Giggle Hut in Xi Pan and Guffaw Palace in Peking, I finally get the recognition I deserve.
and i have no idea what a jellaba is so it's a good thing it's only suggested. and why do they they need ME to bring a set of sportswear. didn't they see my photo?

that's all, just found the letter very funny. i'd post some of the script, but i don't want to get in trouble.

"Be a good boy in china."
-My Mom

done,
b

back home

CD: downloaded mix

tour II: OH, Alright is over. I am finally home. It was a most excellent tour in a totally non-heinous bill and ted kind of way. i did three shows and i'd say to of them were really satisfying. the third was good enough but had some issues. on saturday i watched the tape of my thursday show. thursday's show was one of the better ones but i noticed there were times when i was doing nothing or i'd be in a scene and i'd get lost or bogged down in the story. when i was overloaded with ideas or underloaded with what to say, i would shut down briefly and just treat it like a dramatic pause. didn't work in retrospect.
so for saturday's show, i fixed that. i tried to go faster and jump and justify a lot more. it did increase the energy and the pace of the show but i sacrificed a linear story. i wasn't able to use the same characters and keep up one narrative. it was more scattered and flowy, which i was ok with. i just think that one story with lots of characters by one person is more impressive. i'm going to have to figure out how to reconcile the two, go fast and have the story make sense all the way through. tough challenge.

all in all a great tour. i met lots of cool people who are into prov and treat it like an art form which makes me smile. i'm hoping i'll have the chance after friggin' china to get back to all the places i went in march. i had a great time at all the venues and made enough money to get my first 27 foot yacht. i'll be taking it to china but not too fast.

which reminds me of something funny my friend mikey said the other day. "well, when you go to china could you bring me back just some of the tea? that way if anyone ever wants to get all of the tea in china they'll have to go through me."
i told him i would get him some of the tea and put it on a slow boat.

we laughed.
planning may's tour in the next week or so. keep your eyes peeled if you're that dedicated. leave them alone if you're not.

road weary and loving it,
b

You've got to ask yourself,

for real,

what do I want and how can I get it.

post tour stuff

CD: Audio by Blue Man Group

well, been back from the first little mini-tour of 2004 for a couple days. it was pretty cool. i met a lot of really great people and made some good connections in Minnesota in South Dakota. I got to perform on the world famous brave new workshop stage, make money doing what i love, stay in a hotel for free, and make fun of myself repeatedly in front of huge audiences.

however, i also got to get very little sleep, die over and over in front a tough crowd in red wing, slide off an icy highway in Minn and into a ditch, and eat way too much fast food just because i was short on time.

overall, the tour was definitely sweet and i turn my attention to the upcoming shows in Ohio and West VA. There should be less snow and ice out that direction i'm thinkin.

oh and i'm also going to china for a month. yeah, china. who'd uh thunk? i'll be working on educational films for chinese kids who want to learn english. that should be nice. we're doing twenty days of shooting and ten days of free sightseeing. and i'm going with de bebe. doesn't get much sweeter than that. i've always wanted to be someone's idol. now i have the chance to be every little chinese boy's idol and every chinese girls dream date. ahhhhh, fame is a bitch.

i'm having to shift some tour plans over to may so look for me if you need the beard loving. oh, and i'm playing a high school student in the films so i had to shave. i am the bearded lamb without my beard. i'm just Ed lamb now i guess.

did my first second city class yesterday. i like my classmates a lot which is great because supposedly i stick around with the same group all through the classes. that is if they don't make me start over because i miss half of level one running around china. we can only wait to see what will develop there.

early sleep time tonight. visa getting tomorrow.
Ed

what a tool

dick cheney opposes gay marriage and his daughter is gay. that blew me away. what a tool. how can we expect him to take care of the country when he doesn't even take care of his family? argh.

in other words that should tell you something about his character and the character of the people around him.

makes me wanna throw up. no, worse, it makes me want to vote. you know i've never had the desire to vote until bush II came along. granted, i've only been able to vote for a few years but i never considered myself someone who could make a difference. and after the last election, it appears as though the popular vote is overlooked, and in some cases even the electoral college is overrulled. that should have made me more apathetic and it did for a while. but after all that bush has done on his own, i'm just a little p.o.ed. went against the wishes of his fellow elected officials and most of the rest of the world and now has come out (all puns intended) against gay marriage. is his heart made of coal? and that's an abbreviated list. it's get worse. and let me just point out that he was born in Connecticut. Technically he's not from Texas.

And as often is the case in politics I am forced to vote for the lesser of two evils.
Myself.

Cast your vote for Bearded Lamb, too. He will fight for animal rights, greener pastures, and a reduction in sweater production. Everything that means a lot to the average American citizen who was born a lamb and had experimental surgery in Europe to become a human improviser.

this has gone on too long.
bl

i wonder....

i wonder which deglamourized, sexually abused, beaten, downtrodden female in a movie with monster in the title is going to win next year's best actress oscar.

could it be nicole kidman's portrayal of Satine in Moulin Rouge II: Thalidomide Nights, where she gains 240 pounds to appear pregnant with sextuplets who all share one crooked leg and one giant, loving heart?

could it be?

sleep,
b

No Call from Steppens

Steppenwolf did not call me back for tonight's callbacks. I can only assume they lost my phone number.

sad, but feeling alright.

b