Gong Show Goals

CD: Ben Folds Live

I have figured out and formulated my Gong Show plans. In Chicago there is a monthly show called the Gong Show which is just like the old TV show from the 70s. There are three celebrity judges and a wacky host. They do a series of shows and the winners from each show face off in a big championship Gong Show. The winner of that show is crowned the Almighty Gongateer or something. To me, that would prove to be a boring show. Nobody ever gets gonged and they all score high? That's not nearly as interesting to me as people trying to convince the audience and the judges that they are actually serious about what they're performing, even though they know it is bad, and then getting gonged and laughed at.

There are three different types of acts at the Gong Show.
1) The talented act that is serious about their work. They don't usually get gonged and they score high.
2) The untalented act that is serious about their work. They get gonged and usually don't take it well.
3) The talented or untalented act that is very serious about appearing untalented but very dedicated. They usually get gonged and get a mixed reaction from the audience.

I like to think of myself as a 3. it's just so much more interesting to me. It reminds me of andy kaufman's stand-up stuff. it's borderline totally stupid but in comparison to other things you're seeing, it becomes brilliant. BUT, it's the theatre's abstract, modern art. it's created as a reaction to what the talented people are doing. it acknowledges a body of work and then comments on its existence. let me clarify that i don't mean to say andy kaufman was untalented, as i'm sure many of other people have said. i think he's brilliant. we're talking about me here. my insecurities and talent. stay focused.
on me.

anyway, this is where i run into a problem. most modern art is crap. it demonstrates no skill, no forethought, and no hard work. it is idea over form. it's, "look at what i'm not doing." that pisses me off and it's crap. good art demands skill, abstract modern art bypasses it.

however, i sometimes do the same thing with my performances, just as andy kaufman did.

the question is, do you want the audience to think after your show, "oh my god, i can't believe he did that." or do you want to go for the longshot of them saying, "Wow, that was good? 'wow, that was good' requires a lot of skill and hard work. and even then, some people won't find your content to their taste. but, 'i can't believe he did that' only takes a good idea and a lot of balls. and more people appreciate you.

i ran into the same issue when directing well hung jury. we got into a routine that required new formats for improv to be debuted. the more we recycled old formats, the smaller the audiences got. it seemed necessary to bring people in with a gimmick. the ultimate goal was to bring them in with a gimmick and hit them with good improv within the gimmick. we started to understand that later on in our evolution. we learned to boil out the tricks and gags in our formats out of respect for a good story. eventually, formats became second hand to keeping our longform storytelling in gear. this really paid off as our reputation got to be "experimental, but still good." a description that kills me to this day.

here's where my new gong show goal comes into play. i am challenging myself to get gonged at every show. i yearn to never be scored and become famous as the guy that always sucks. all the while, i am actually very entertaining. it's a bit of a cop-out. i'm not sure i have the skill to create a really good, riveting piece of theatre every month. i know i have the skill to create something that will get me gonged once a month. i am caving into my own weak willed criticisms of abstract art by becoming the theatre version. i am shamed. but not shamed enough for it to stop me.

eventually, i will be able to combine the great idea with the good execution. until then, i am just the "experimental" guy who makes half the audience groan when they see me come through the curtain and the other half chuckle with glee.

MoMA.org | Exhibitions | 1996 | Jasper Johns | Selected Works

bad art makes me want to do bad theatre. and mean it.
give me a break,
bl

quick thing

ty wants me to post his stupid business card, "in case anyone is looking for his services."

the joy and the pain

CD: Homogenic by Bjork

there is much joy and much pain in mudville today. well, mondo turned out to be "an incredibly inspiring and promising outlet for future artisitc endeavours," in ty's words. he said he enjoyed the company of like-thinking artists who were doing some pretty cool stuff. he also mentioned that his improv experience at the end of the evening was sticky at best.

i personally wasn't there but ty told me everything. there was word early on in the evening that the improv group that was slated to go last on the evening's bill was short for personnel. well ty being one of the greatest improvisers in georgia and here on a brief vacation to host mondo decided he would offer his services, if they should need more bodies on stage. and indeed they did.

the evenings events went long as expected. the experimental hyper-jazz duo that performed before the improv group was good but could not have ended sooner. ty was so excited about getting up to do improv. after being kicked out of the Wacky Monkey Players in October down in Athens, GA for being too "story-driven," he was ready to hop up with some old chicago improv veterans and cut loose with some flowy longform goodness.

after the band finished and cleared their gear it was on. the excitement of anticipation that preceded the actual improv was far more enjoyable than the improv itself. people were low-energy, low-brow, and low-committment. random audience members were hopping up to partake in the set. "hey, anybody can do this right? here i come. i'm improving."

and i'm crashing through walls, stories, and characters. why should it matter, i'm improvising. i'm also drunk, but i'm improving. this isn't hard at all."

(sigh) it was tough to survive. obviously, ty loved the fact that he was improvising and doing it on someone else's time, it was just not what he expected.

on the whole it was a very positive experience for ty. he was very inspired by the acts throughout the evening. he even got up and freestyled with 'the dialectics,' a rap group that performed. he battled a much more talented rapista and lost mightily. he also had to kiss a man in order to kill time in between acts. it was a pretty eventful evening from ty's standpoint. and i understand he even got paid which is so rare in this business we call indie show. a big thank you to the mondo crew from ty. he had a great time and would love to partake in the festivities again.

as for me, i'm just wondering why they didn't call. i mean, ty stayed with me. i don't know where the fault lies. is it that ty didn't recommened his little cousin as a performer to the mondo people? or did those pricks not bother to contact me about performing? either way i was passed over like a dark house on halloween and it kind of sticks in my craw a bit. i hear they're thinking about hiring POESIS to emcee the next mondo on february 11th. POESIS? how lame can they get?
his peoms don't even rhyme. what's the point of poems that don't rhyme?

anyway, all in all an amazing, inspiring experience for ty. he packs his things and leaves tomorrow for athens. i think he drank a little last night. he hasn't even gotten up yet. lazy prick. all i know is once he's gone, de bebe will be able to walk past him without him staring at her butt. how embarassing. sometimes family can be a real pain in the... nevermind.

cold today, cold tomorrow.
bl

blog prevention

Just a quick note. I have been engaged in a friend's visit and recovering from last week's bs, along with fighting off lots of snow. such is why i have not blogged. i promise an amazing and enlightening entry in the days to come.
that's all for now, i have to do pilates.

bl

How Lame Am I? Sometimes I Even Surprise Myself.

I'm apalled at how lame I can be. I came here on a mission to make acting and improv my career. Tonight, I think I have suffered the biggest loss in that area since arriving. And it's all completely my fault.

In an earlier post I spoke about a guy I had just barely met that gave me the opportunity to host his bi-monthly show, MONDO, here in Chicago. I accepted and after learning more about what the whole thing was about, I am super stoked. It was great of him to go out on a limb having never seen me do anything and offer that up to me.

Well, today I did something very stupid. Actually it began yesterday, when he called and told me he had hooked me up with callback status for a Shakespeare Festival he works with in the summer. I told him I would whip up a monologue and make it happen. But, tonight, I never went to the audition. Here he is, semi putting his neck on the block for me and I chickened out.

I was way behind where I should have been with rehearsing the monologue when it ocurred to me that I couldn't do it. I gave up like a pussy. Something I usually don't do. This whole rejection thing is getting a little out of hand with me. I have another audition coming up on Saturday and if it doesn't yield something I could end up floating back-up in Lake Michigan, having been tossed in by De Bebe. My fears are straining her a little bit and putting some pressure on our relationship. Nothing catastrophic, just annoying. I'm being annoying. Tonight i got frustrated and pissed off at myself, a la little league baseball, and emotionally shut down the plant for a few hours, my brain locked into a "You stupid, fucking asshole" loop.

I have chilled out a bit. The loop in my brain is now "How could you be such a stupid, fucking asshole?" De bebe understands what's going on a bit i think. but i don't fully understand me at the moment. why would i do this? i came here to do theatre and this was a perfect opportunity to make a living at it, even if just for a few months. not only did i let myself down, but i put pressure on my mondo guy and on my bebe.

i hope i never do anything so selfish and lazy again.

luckily, an old friend from austin is coming to visit on thursday. it will be great to see someone so positive and well-adjusted. someone i have observed in the past to pick up on how to be compassionate and understanding. should be lots of fun.

from here on out, i guess the question is, am i going to be someone who has no regrets at age 80, or am i going to mope all the way to my grave about not taking risks? i hope i can get this under control. the lake is very cold these days and i just got my complexion to a semi-decent status.

+- no salutation provided -+
bl

Unsubstaniated and Unprovable Theories

CD: Self-Titled by The Presidents of the United States of America

Here are some unsubstantiated and unprovable theories. I will leave out any explanation or evidence as they are mostly unsubstantiated and unprovable:

1) All females are more attractive with wet hair.

2) All females are more attractive with a cowboy hat on.

3) 12 is the funniest number.

4) Putting shoes on a dog is ridiculous.

5) Your dreams are ONLY interesting to you.

6) Belly button lint is a strictly human phenomenon

7) It is impossible to describe a good improv scene to someone else.


be sure to live your life with these in mind.
more maxims coming soon.

sunny and 15 degrees. i don't get it.
bl

from shakespeare to hetfield

CD: The Ghosts That Haunt Me by Crash Test Dummies



"what's in a name?
a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet." --William Shakespeare

or something to that effect. i was always taught and i do believe that you should not judge a book by it's cover. average joe and average joe 2 have helped to reinforce this belief. but as i grow older, and i think this happens to everyone, my experiences are beginning to spoil my "clean slate" approach to things. it's difficult to ignore your past experience when entering into a situation. after all, that's how you decide what's physically dangerous and what could kill you. for example, getting into a carload full of drunken frat mens to go on a non-stop cross country drive "just to see the ocean" will probably kill you. just as going to see a production of 'Oklahoma!' in Hot Springs, Arkansas could be dangerous to your sanity.
My point is, you have experiences and you remember the bad ones so that you can avoid them in the future, thus living a longer, happier life. With that in mind, I would like to publish the meanest, most true statement I have ever stated.

AVOID ANY IMPROV TROUPE WITH THE WORD 'MONKEY' IN THE TITLE.

at this point i think it is appropriate to instruct you to do the following:
open a new page in your browser
go to google.com
put in the words monkey and improv
search and enjoy
then come back here

funny stuff, eh? the sad part is that a good portion (i would venture 100%) of those groups are not very good. now, that's a tough thing to say. obviously, everyone has their preferences, and this is merely my opinion. not only that, but i am calling them bad without even ever seeing them. what an asshole i am. as bad as that statement is, i guarantee it is true. a large portion of the population would find their work cliche and unimaginative. it's like almost all the poetry you read in a 7th grade girl's notebook. you've seen it a hundred times and it just makes you sigh and hope they catch on someday.
what is it with the word monkey? i agree it is a funny word. but so is lozenge and if 10% of every improv troupe's names had the word lozenge in it, you'd get tired of it because it would become cliche. but a funny name does not a funny troupe make, and most often a guy with a funny t-shirt is just that. a guy with a funny t-shirt.
i'd like to think i am completely correct in this, but part of my up-bringing is nagging my brain; telling me i shouldn't pass judgement on things based on a small ancillary fact. but sometimes in this world, you have to generalize. it's the way you stay alive and sane. it's what keeps you from slapping a large man on the subway again. it's how you know what to do with yourself.
it's unfortunate but true.

"SAD BUT TRUE" - James Hetfield

from shakespeare to hetfield in seven easy steps.

joyously using the word ancillary,
bl

enough of this bullshit

CD: no music

Alright, enough of this bullshit. i just got back from another audition. i pretty much sucked and i don't know who's fault it is. Did I suck because of the situation, the pressures, the auditioners, the material, the weather, the time of day? Who knows?
and that's what pisses me off. i have so little control over auditions. i think i'm doing everything i'm supposed to be doing. i smile, i'm confident, i'm polite, i'm usually on time. what's the deal. i have either lost my ability to perform or the process known as auditions is flawed.
so, i have decided to take drastic measures. it seems this always happens to me. i fail to prove myself for something in a conventional way, so i have to go and start my own thing and make them rue the day they passed me up. it seems like kind of an underhanded thing to do, to go off and start competition for these things that won't take me. but, it's the only way i'll get on stage and prove to them that i should have been picked as the prettiest.
it happened in my last big venture in austin, too. i auditioned for a troupe and when they wouldn't have me, i started my own. eventually, my troupe outlived theirs and replaced them as THE improv company in town. it's a classic pattern in my life. one that has made me stronger but annoys me to the bone. they're casting the wrong people. they're casting the sharp guy with the great smile who is thin and charming. their missing out on someone who has dedicated their life to the art of improv and has talents that don't make themselves apparent at first glance. what a pisser.

i was looking forward to coming to chicago and not having to deal with the rigors of being a producer. there's so many responsibilities that have distracted me from becoming just a better performer. i just want to be a better performer, to have time to focus on the stage and not have to deal with the lights, the box office, the venue, the public relations, the audience, the sound. it's my turn to be the guy who shows up late and sits around until the show starts and then just leaves when it's over, having no thought of revenue or the temperature of the theatre, or the theatre owner, or props that aren't ours that go missing. anything i've ever had to deal with running well hung jury. all that shit was supposed to disappear when i came to chicago. i was going to be listed simply as player. but it can't happen that way. i'm going to have to stress out and lose pieces of my acting growth along the way trying to put together shows and keeping casts together and always being the guy that's at every rehearsal while fools just don't show up and don't call. i guess that's what i get for needing the control and sucking at auditions.

i'm really not looking forward to this. i'll keep auditioning and not getting into things. slowly, i'll become someone people respect through my shows and from being in classes with me. eventually, i will have the luxury of not auditioning just as i did in austin. people will just ask me to be in their shows. and it will all be great. until then, i have to dig through this six feet of dirt just to scratch the surface.

let the journey begin.

downtrodden yet foolishly optimistic,
bl

the nightmares

CD: Travelling Without Moving by Jamiroquai

i was having nightmares recently. for three nights in a row i had two separate ones a night. i wasn't sure why until i realized that it was because i had my first chicago show coming up. all the dreams were about failing at improv. i've never been so anxious about improv that i've had nightmares, and certainly not with such frequency and vividity.
it all led up to my gong show appearance with which i was more nervous than i've been in a while. i'm usually very calm and collected before i perform. even though it is improv, i have a pretty good plan as for what's going to happen. the pressure of it being a place where i had to start from scratch and win over a room full of 65 strangers all by myself with a piece that i thought was mediocre had me shaking in my boots. i guess there's no big moral here or funny lesson that i learned. i just feel like that was a necessary hump for me to get over and it went just as i expected, pretty mediocre.
for the next gong show i have a better idea of the space, the audience, and all that. i also have a better idea for my piece. i should last longer but still get gonged, all while wearing a bubble-wrap suit. which is really perfect.

all for now,
bl

it's actually not who you know...

CD: Look Sharp! by Joe Jackson

i have been to six auditions since moving here to chicago in november of last year. one of which turned out to not really be an audition but a group interview about customer service where we were all hired to work at a local mall's santa land extravaganza. not exactly what i envisioned. the other five auditions were for legitimate theatre shows, four of them improv shows. while i'll agree, my showing at the one scripted audition was far from spectacular, very far, the other ones for improv seemed pretty good to me. one i was pretty sure i nailed and they never called, another i made callbacks and felt really good about it to no avail. another one i didn't make callbacks to but i wasn't holding out hope for because it did seem a bit over my head. i already have an aversion to rejection as most people do, but mine seems to be more acute. i think it stems back to middle school days and the rejections that occured there, but enough about me.
i don't usually audition. i don't like auditions. i don't feel like they adequately show what i can do especially when surrounded by strangers i'm supposed to have ensemble and connections with. i'm used to having an ensemble that just exudes improv and makes for rewarding theatre. i have yet to do something in an audition with another person that i feel is really good. in the past, i have just done my own thing. i've been the producer and director and therefore able to be in the show. i have auditioned more times in chicago (6) than i have ever in my previous theatre career. and i was much more successful back there. but enough about me.

i guess it's just a "dog eat blog" world. or maybe it's a blog eat frog world. or a frog eat log world.

on the subject of rejection, i was feeling a bit sheepish (all puns intended) about a social event that i was invited to earlier this evening. i called up an old friend who's been in chicago for a while just to catch up and see what's up in the theatre scene. she promptly invited me out for drinks with a bunch of her friends tonight and de bebe was down. she's pretty hooked up into the scene and said there would be people i would like to meet and greet. we went, bebe and all. i am by and large not social by nature. i'm very bad at mingling. i don't like "bumping shoulders" or "rubbing elbows," and i certainly don't want to "grind genitals" with any influential people even if it means getting a job. it just doesn't suit me.
but tonight i accidentally did that. not the genital part. i was talking with a dude about theatre and such and he spilled about this show he produces called mondo. a cabaret of sorts with an MC, scripted work, a dj, visual art and dancing and stuff. so he talks about it for a bit and my friend mentions that i would be a good MC. i was a bit taken aback although i do agree, but enough about me. he said, "alright, you're on. all you need is a character." instantly, a cousin of mine from georgia, the incomparable Ty Sheer, popped into my head and i accepted his proposal. here i am busting my ass auditioning for things and this just falls into my lap, and i totally trust it will be a worthwhile experience for Ty and enhance his personal performance growth. it all happened really fast and i didn't have to sell myself in any way. it was great. i'm really looking forward to it and it appears i have become one of those people who gets gigs by mingling and not by auditioning. i take a guilty pleasure in the ease of use it afforded me. i feel dirty and affirmed that sometimes it's not what you know, it's who you barely just met.

slightly uplifted,
bl

FINALLY

CD: downloaded music by dead people

finally, i have dragged myself to the computer for a blog update. sorry for the delay. i could give you a long string of uninteresting excuses as to why i haven't been back but it's nothing worthwhile or exciting like incidents in espionage or scuba diving.

again, i have unrelated things to talk about. i'll keep it narrowed down to three.

1) downloading music ethics
2) feeling fluy
3) tired of rejection

1) DOWNLOADING MUSIC ETHICS
i just recently have forged into the world of downloading music. i have resisted this for years since the whole napster thing. in the same inexplicable way i resist new technologies like cell phones and dvds, i pushed it away. now, i only rent dvds at the video store and a cell phone is the only phone i have. no home phone. it's nice and cheaper, too. it's going to be weird when video stores are still called video stores but they'll only have dvds and no videos. Digital Versatile Disc. our kids are going to be so confused. oh, well, my generation had to figure out what a malt was all on our lonesome. maybe it'll do them some good. maybe they'll learn some respect for once, goddamnit.
so, i got a program and i started downloading. i've been largely satisfied with it. something struck me when i was downloading old elliot smith songs the other day. for those out of the loop, like the only people who read this, i.e. my mom and dad, elliot smith is a singer-songwriter virtuouso guitar player from NY who put out a lot of really good independent albums. last fall, he stabbed himself once in the heart with a buthcer knife, comitting suicide. i was downloading his songs and it ocurred to me that i have no guilt downloading a dead artists' music. he's not missing the money, just the greedy record company and his family members that don't necessarily deserve his returns just because they lucked out being related to him. i should say this does not stop me from downloading any artists' music. it's all free to me. i just have a little less guilt in some cases.
as soon as all the beatles are dead, it's on.

2) FEELING FLUY
i came down with a fluy case of the flu a few weeks ago. it was my stupid temporary job running inflatable rides at a mall that did me in. so many snotty nosed little kids hopping around and shooting lethal air out of their bodies. it was bound to happen. i was stuck in bed waking up every hour having to pee and drink water. i was home by myself and out of water and oj and soup. it was nasty. it might be the hardest thing i've ever done, trying to get through that all by myself. de bebe, my bebe, had groceries delivered to me from peapod. she was all the way in florida and ordered it online. that was a super nice gesture that got me hooked on hot tea and lemon juice. but after cans of soup and empty shells of lemon and molding bags of used raspberry tea, i was still sick as balls and it was starting to spread to my lungs. time to hit the hospital, or as they say in french, the hopital. i'm new here. i had no idea which hospital to go to. i would have to take a cab so it makes sense that the closest would be the best, right? wrong. the closest was the worst. the worst hospital i've ever been to.
seeing as i've only ever been to one other one, that may not be saying much, but damn.
so i go the ER and it's relatively deserted. there were three nurses and two doctors, two patients and two open beds. they send me to a waiting room and say they'll be right with me. when i get to the waiting room, i realize it's the coldest one in north america. i'm cold and i feel like i'm getting sicker.
there's a tv on and it's a daytime soap opera. "great," i'm thinking, "that tv is right next to the giant window that's freezing me to the core and besides that, it's very high off the floor. i'd have to stretch my ailing body to change the channel. it won't be long. there's nothing going on in the ER. i'll be in soon." eventually i figured out through the haze and headache that it was a hospital ER daytime soap. here i am freezing my ass off, getting sicker while those stooge nurses just sit around and chat in the ER, while on tv people roll into the ER with missing arms and they're fixed and back on the street in ten minutes. things are getting done, problems are being solved left and right at breakneck speed, just like you'd expect in an emergency room. i went to check on the ER and they told me to go back and they'd call me when they were ready.
i watched almost the entire one hour show and it ended. which is more depressing? that i had been in a siberian waiting room for almost an hour, or that Todd was leaving Sherry for Tam who was pregnant with her dog's baby.
the next show was eXtreme DANger, or X-DAN as they called it. it's one of those shows where you send in nasty videos of people getting into terrible accidents like falling from lightpoles. they had backyard wrestling morons, a parachute mishap, and a guy who rolled his ATV Ozzy-stlye smooshing him underneath. here these fools were breaking their bodies out of stupidity, and i was in extreme pain or X-PAIN as i call it, without doing anything stupid. the irony was thick and i was getting sicker. and tireder. i was sick and tired only more of both.
i went to check in with the nurses a second time. not one person had entered or exited the ER in the entire hour or so that i had been sitting there. the bitchy, stocky fellow told me they would get to me when they were ready. i asked what the hold-up was in a pretty calm voice. he said, "excuse me" even though he heard me. and i said, "what's the hold up?" only a little louder so he could hear me. he said they were busy. the doctor sitting at the ER desk made a frustration gesture and picked up the phone as if to take part in some kind of important business. i'm sure it was just to order another pizza. i asked if they could make the waiting room warmer and he said no. i stood there for a few seconds and just looked at him. eventually he said that the main waiting room was sometimes warmer and they would come get me there when they were ready. i reluctantly peeled back and left the ER. i passed by the waiting room. i'm sure the tv was showing a man attacking a pack of wolves in a "wolf-proof" suit, but i couldn't look.

CD change: Solitary Man by Johnny Cash (dead and not getting royalties)

i found a seat with direct sunlight that soothed my tired body. the sun went away and i got really tired. i figured a good way to get into the ER and to quell my sleep pangs was to lay down on the waiting room floor and sleep. so, i did and it wasn't long before a security guard said i wasn't allowed to sleep on the floor and that he would get me admitted to the ER. he called back there and said they were going to take me. i was admitted and they ran various tests of varying humiliating degrees to determine i had the flu. after about five hours i was released, two of which had been spent in waiting rooms while not a soul passed through the door of the ER. at one point i was awakened by a supervisor coming into the ER to yell at them because people were complaining too much about how they suck. that was funny. to be half asleep in an ER while these doctors argue about how tough things are WHEN NOTHING WAS HAPPENING. i can't imagine if they had spend just one day in Tam's shoes. Tam puts up with more shit in a one hour episode than they can even dream of. These nurses freak if the pizza place gets their order wrong and sends italian sausage instead of sweet sausage. assholes. to think they take advantage of people who are coming for their help and expertise. all they're interested in is making things easy on themselves. what a terrible thing for anyone to have to go through. and even worse that it was me.

well, that's all i have energy for. we'll get to my rejection issues later.
i'm sure i have to call someone right now.

i have returned,
bl