never too much

i can't improv enough. other improvisers i know, even people who i know are very good and quite interested in improv, can only do so much before they get tired of it or antsy or just want "a night off." this has never been me.
it occurred to me earlier as i was mentally preparing to guest star in another group's show tonight that i could play bippity bippity bop every night for a month and not even think twice about how odd it was. i could circle up and do silly things for no reason every day of my life. i can't get enough of it. which leads me to the fatalistic thought, what if i do get sick of it?
what if i can't stomach stressing out over how many audience members there are? what if i don't care how the audience sees me? what if i don't need to make people feel something from their entertainment? what if i'm no longer turned on by the rush of a great show? what if i run out of ideas for poster designs? oh, god. what if i run out of format ideas? my guess is that if these things are true, i will be dead. maybe not even in the physical sense. maybe that portion of my life will just pass on and i'll forget all about the great times i've had doing good art with even better people. or maybe it will be a physical death.
someone posed the question, "why do you do improv?" and after several hours of contemplation i replied that i would die if i didn't. and i mean that in the most serious way. if later in life, i can say yes to any of those questions, i will know that part of me has died and that it's only a matter of time before the rest follows. i have an unceasing hope that it never will, and that i will do this until there is nothing in the world but dust. nothing of what we now know. just drifting cosmic dust.


also, i have a boner.

goodnight,
b