whatever happened to the 8-year old pope

what's with bringing in a guy to be the king of your organization who's past the average life span of humans? this new guy is 78. i'm 25 and all i can remember is an old white-haired pope boppin around in a bullet proof mercedes and letting people kiss his ring in shea stadium. a dude who can barely speak enough to smite half the world's religious beliefs. i will say i was saddened by john II's death but only because it means so much to so many. personally, it means little to me. it's a lot like the presidential elections around here. they're not gonna shake things up and they're rarely gonna do things that i think make sense. that's just a function of politics and religion which seem to have blurred together over the past few years. but i digest.
i realize the cardinals want to make sure that the guy they get is really serious about it, but why keep picking guys who can't even feed themselves and go on respirators a month after they're hired. whatever happened to just getting a real young fiery guy who's gonna shake things up and modernize the church a little. Pope Benedict VII was the first to install plumbing in the vatican and he was 19 when he was elected.* Pope Joseph III had his army equipped with this new thing called guns back in the day.** he was a real progressive.***
so what's wrong with gettin a guy in there who's gonna turn this religion on its head for a bit, respect the old guys and the old ways. ya know, attack some surrounding areas just for their gold like the old days.**** BUT still be aware of how important it is to modernize things a bit. take back everything the catholic church has said about women's rights, gay marriage (or actually, gay existence), and evolution. have sinead o'connor play a benefit for AIDS research.***** you know you wanna. get over yourself and help this world become a better place. spreading your "words" to the four corners of the globe so you can easier control and anglicize them is not what we should have in mind.******

god bless us, everyone
goodnight,
b

* - Totally nonfactual.
** - Guy didn't even exist.
*** - see **
**** - I'm pretty sure this actually happened.
***** - This joke******* is in poor taste and out of date.
****** - This isn't the first time I've used this footnote joke.^
******* - It's not even really a joke. Just a crappy thing to say.
^ - and it won't be the last.