well, i'm feeling much better, thank you.

"This is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy."

i conquered some demons tonight. i did a bigly huge show that i felt was a solid piece of something worthwhile. it was probably one of the toughest audiences i have ever performed for. the first two rows were made up of about 10 slick north avenue dwellers, unwinding from a week of 9-5s no doubt. they all had their beers and their dates and their best "Friday" clothes on. I pulled one of them out to interview. She was super cool didn't have too much to say which was great because i didn't lose control of the interview.
so, it was the ten drunks, and a buddy of mine from back in the day, a fellow improviser who had helped prepare me for my show with great words of support. that was it.
i knew i would have to acjust things a bit. they weren't going to be into the metaphysical pseudo-intellectual crap i usually drop to keep the nerds into it. they would need something else. i started by pouring on heavy references to the interview, just to let them know exactly what was going on. i think they dug it. there were points where they were chatting it up with each other or telling each other what i was doing on stage. like, "he's making drinks." "yes, i am making drinks," i said trying to shut them up. but later it actually played into my hands as i called a couple of them out and we all had a good laugh. they were cool, ya know. some people just never learned the ethics of being an audience member and it gets them into trouble when i'm on stage because i WILL call you out for talking while i'm talking. they don't understand that it's different from a movie. i can actualy hear what you're saying. shut up, i'm trying to think so that you can laugh and get your 8 bucks worth.
anyway, i liked the way the show came out. i conquered the fact that there were around 13 people in the audience,having a mere 20 minutes, no air conditioning, going first, not having a crowd that was properly warmed up, and my own personal little stupid demons. i think the thing that did and maybe the thing that i've lost recently in my one man shows is that i didn't give a shit if things worked out. this audience meant nothing to me. i didn't feel i had to impress my friend who was there because he had seen me do good stuff before and i didn't care that this audience wasn't going to be chock full of bearded lamb recruits and new faithful blogateers. didn't care. had a great show. looking forward to the last scheduled bigly show which is the single file festival. i won't be knocking down anybody's door to let me perform this for a while. it's hiatus time.

other notes: DO NOT COMMENT ON HOW YOUR ACCENT HAS CHANGED DURING A SCENE. Are you committed to the scene? Are you lying to everyone by talking about how you're talking? Do you expect this hack joke to work everytime you say it? WRONG. Stop stepping out of the scene and commenting on your accent. ONLY DO ACCENTS YOU ARE COMFORTABLE DOING. Keep the self-doubting, scene-stepping-out-of crap in your head. and then stop thinking. and then stop improvising.

Jensen Count: chalk another one up for the Jensen count. A group that went after me tonight had a Jensen in one of their sketches. I'm telling you, if this world is straying from Jenkins in favor of Jensen, I will have to end my own life.

Had a great chat with my old buddy out on the porch about what is wrong with this city. why so many groups are struggling, and the mentality that is creeping its way into our artform. the group work is dissipating so that jagovs can tell one liners in "scenes." people are standing around and thinking up funny things to say. not even in character. don't care about character. just addicted to the drug that is the audience's laughter. what every comedian/actor/improviser needs. your approval. that's why we're on stage. so you will validate our existence as no one would back in school. we will act out and do crazy things so that you will smile and make us think eveything is fine. "good talk, son." "good talk, dad."

i'm beat. i move upstairs tomorrow and say good bye to my first chicago apartment. i will miss the ridiculously low ceilings, the random dripping water, and the occasional flood threats. i will also miss the history that is seeped into the walls. all the laughs, the philosophy, the sex. it's all staying down here. i'm not going far enough to forget what the walls look like, but i'm going far enough that the new walls will look different.

Today's crappy, sappy metaphor brought to you by Chevrolet. Chevrolet, like a rock.

sleep,
b