The Steppenwolf Essays

CD: G-Stoned by Kruder and Dorfmeister

I have selected my Steppenwolf essays for the audition. They gave me a big packet to and told me to choose two of them. some of them would be really hard, some were stupid and kind of void. The best by far is the one written by Steve Martin. And it goes a little something like this:

THE SMOKER
by Steve Martin

He lit the cigarette and smoked it down to the filter in one breath. He silently thanked the cigarette company for being thoughtful enough about his health to include a filter to protect him. So he lit up another. This time he didn't exhale the squeaky-clean filtered smoke, but just let it nestle in his lungs. Some more smokers knocked on his door and they came in and they all started smoking along with him. "How wonderful it is that we're all smoking," he thought. Everyone smoked and smoked and after they smoked they all talked about smoking and how nice it was that they were all smokers and then they smoked some more. They all sang "Smoke That Cigarette" and "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes." Then the smokers smoked one more cigarette and left him alone in his easy chair, about to relax and enjoy a nice quiet smoke. And then his lips fell off.

This is one of the greatest examples of misdirection i have ever seen. The huge set-up gets you ready for something and the punchline delivers a completely different, absurd pay-off. Classic Steve Martin wackiness and sarcasm. I love it. I may actually have trouble delivering the end because it makes me laugh every time. Hopefully, after rehearsing it a bit I'll get more used to it, but I don't know.

My second choice is a little more dramatic, a bit of a weak spot for me.

THE LAWYER
by Jerome Lawrence and Robert E. Lee

Yes there is something holy to me! The power of the individual mind. In a child's power to master the multiplication table there is more sanctity than in all your shouted "Amens!," "Holy, Holies!" and "Hosannahs!" An idea is a greater monument than a cathedral. And the advance of man's knowledge is more of a miracle than any sticks turned to snakes, or the parting of waters. But are we know to halt the march of progress because Mr. Brady frightens us with a fable? (to the jury) Gentlemen, progress has never been a bargain. You've got to pay for it... Darwin has moved us forward to a hilltop, where we can look back and see the way from which we came. But for this view, this insight, this knowledge, we must not abandon our faith in the pleasant poetry of Genesis.

This is actually a monologue from "Inherit the Wind," a play about the controversy of the Scopes Monkey Trial, which put a teacher on the block for teaching evolution in a publicly funded school. I was actually in this play in high school and the actor who played, Brady, used a fat suit. I still have that fat suit and in fact, Ty Sheer's character is grealy influenced by it.
Anyway, the monologue has a lot of meaning for me. I share the LAWYER's views and know the play pretty well. I picked it because i think the steppenPeople are looking for opinionated players who stand behind what their theatre is saying. I'm hoping that will come across in my essays. And then I'll dance naked for them. (smily face made of punctuation)

learn monologues: now

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