roller coaster today

CD: Stevie Ray Vaughn's Greatest Hits (Little Wing on repeat)

today was one helluva roller coaster day. i woke up optimistic about the day. after last night's euphoria with the movie and all (see yesterday's entry) i was riding high on confidence that i was still a worthy performer, still able to improvise, and still able to portray good characters.
my roller coaster was riding high.
i had an audition @ 3 this afternoon for a new troupe called LIQUID, and i was feeling a bit cocky. after all, my solo tour is taking off nicely, i just finished making a great movie i'm very proud of, and thursday i have an audition with steppenwolf, the most well-known theatre company in chicago, maybe in the US. not an open audition either, oh no, an audition i was invited to. so i'm thinking, i don't even need this LIQUID gig. i may not have time for this. i'm going on tour and performing a steppenwolf show. of course, i don't have the steppenGig yet and the tour is really only planned up into the first week of April.
so, i thought i would take a chance and just not give a hoot at today's audition. i thought maybe not being all high-strung about getting a spot in the troupe would help relax me and just let the prov flow. i was way wrong. early on in the audition, which was group style with about six people i didn't know (standard), i made some huge denials. i was a bit careless about the whole thing and i really screwed myself. i felt stupid and i felt like i was being rude to the other players who were trying to build things up with me. on top of all of this, i wasn't funny either. i started getting over anxious about how i flubbed the first half of the audition and after that i was a wreck. i was super nervous and no help to anyone. i left feeling very dejected. i had blown another audition. roller coaster underground and power was failing.

i needed a way to feel better so i went shopping. i got a new blouse and some great new steve maddens (3-in. heel).

i felt better but then i thought about how i have even less than no money now that i had gone and shopped. i was all bummed and when i got home i checked the mail. a letter from second city. i opened it and was relieved to find i was accepted to their conservatory program. it's not a huge accomplishment, i'll warrant. your success rate is probably pretty high when your acceptance is going to depend on you giving them money. so i got in and now i owe them $255. but, i'm very excited. it IS the reason i came here and i hope it will be fulfilling and introduce me to people with similar interests and maybe to future business partners in improv.
so, my roller coaster was going back up.

when i had settled in back home i started to work on my steppenDition. it's three parts. 1) the recital of two essays chosen from a packet they provided. 2) the recital of an essay that i write myself on any number of topics they provided. 3) a song.

the song is the only one that makes me nervous. i love music and i love singing but i'm a terrible singer. not tonally inclined, i suppose. so, i'm listening to some of my CDs and singing along rather loudly, starting to get worried that the song is going to be the weak part of my audition. this is stepenwolf, i can't have a weak part. suddenly, it hit me like a truck and i smiled. LITTLE WING.
back in the day about 4 years ago i did this film piece that was a music video for Stevie Ray Vaughn's instrumental version of Hendrix's Little Wing. i just played air guitar and jerked and jumped around. the kick was i was naked. i framed it so the essential elements were just out of site but you knew they were there. it turned out to be one of the funniest things i've ever done. i've since done a live version that few can forget, my parents included, my mother especially.
it occurred to me that this is the best thing i could do musically for my steppenwolf audition. my roller coaster is still riding high with this idea. it makes me very confident for the audition. but i learned from today that both confidence and focus are needed for an audition to go well. i have a few days to prepare and most of my time is going to be devoted to mastering these monologues. i'm going to have a great time at that audition and i hope that helps me to get the job. i could use a little affirmation.

what could possibly bring the roller coaster down to a normal level? dishes. here i go.

bl